Religion

My mother was a catholic, I was informed about the existence of  God and went to church on Sunday’s till I was around 5 years old. When I was 5, I was told that church was an option and not compulsory. I didn’t go much more after that. I guess church just isn’t enough fun for a 5 year old.

While growing up I always felt some kind of knowing that a God exists, but it didn’t go much beyond that. There were no practices like praying or going to church that I entertained.
As a teenager I kept looking around for what the “right religion” would be. I noticed there were many religions and figured that one of them should be fitting with what I believed.

I became a Muslim when I was around 22 years old. I think there was one particular radio show that I once heard that convinced me that woman are not suppressed in the Islam. That took away my last hesitance on involving myself deeper in this worldwide religion. Till today I can confirm that Islam is not suppressing woman, only some Muslims do that. It is not the religion calling them to do that.

I remember deeply enjoying the knowledge that God was really there and that he noticed my every action. I was never alone anymore.
Ramadan was the best month of the year. The fast was an act of devotion and felt like that also. Food and water is delicious when you have been missing it all day. And my willpower was strengthened by exercising it, like a bodybuilder going to the gym every day.

I cannot exactly say why I stopped being a Muslim. Slowly I had stopped praying 5 times a day because it was just to much to keep enjoying and do it with devotion. I didn’t read the Quran much anymore and one day I decided that looking at my actions I had no longer the rights to call myself Muslim.

Gandhi returned into my life and I practiced his teaching to the best of my abilities. I had renounced my house and possessions, living in a small mobile home. I greatly enjoyed having so few things to take care of. I felt more free than ever before. For the first time in my life I was fully independent. I was living in the middle of the woods. My mobile home was parked on the land of a small farm and from my window I saw around 26 horses, 250 sheep, 2 donkeys, some goats and a bunch of chicken.
It was an awesome time.

I believed that there was a God, but that he didn’t need my attention. Again I had changed my mind, but to me this is evolution. I flow where inspiration brings me and do not need to be restricted by what I believed before. Back-to-basic and renunciation from luxury possessions was my religion. I had more friends than ever and was thriving.

After 3 years of living in the mobile home I moved in with my boyfriend. Few years after that we got married and had a daughter. My little girl became the center of my world.
At the same time Gandhi would remain in my thoughts and from time to time I would indulge myself in his books and movie again.

In 2001, when I learned about Mansukh Patel  I again changed my mind about God.
On Mansukh’s first seminar that I attended, a short video from him was shown to the audience. In this video he also talked about his vision towards God and he said:”It might be… the most romantic relationship… that you have ever encountered”. Wowww, did those words have an impact on me! I was amazed by the idea. After respecting God and after obeying his rules and after ignoring him, I was offered a new idea…. being romantic with God.

Another thing that struck me in that seminar was that both Mansukh and Gandhi seemed to give a lot of value to the “Bhagavad Gita”. The Bhagavad Gita is a small book containing the essence of the Hindu religion. Like a kind of Hindu-bible.

I started reading the Bhagavad Gita and was introduced to the (form of) God called Krishna.
Krishna turned out to be a whole different God then I had known so far. He was young, naughty, good-looking and had lived on earth. His name means all-attractive and that describes a lot.
This avatar of God was just so easy to love and fun to be with.

I learned to feel his presence and talk with him. Or maybe I should say talk-to-him, because he rarely said something back, but when he did it would always be profound and still short and simple.
Like the day when I was standing in the garden and said to Krishna:”What can I do for you? I look at Gandhi and see all the awesome things he did, he meant so much for this world. I look at Mansukh and he is such an inspiration for so many. What can I do?” And Krishna said:”Be you”.

Wowww, he was right of course. I was comparing myself to others and there is no need to copy anybody. You are most valuable when you are you. And no need that the-whole-world benefits from your existence. You are just as great when you are seen by only a few. All you have to do is follow your path, your own path.

I had many, many sweet moments with Krishna. One’s he woke me up at night singing in my ear “Vrindavan, Vrindavan, Vrindavan”. It was the sweetest voice I ever heard. It woke me up and I fell asleep with it again. Vrindavan is the place in India where Krishna grew up. I knew I had to go there one day.

My urge to go to India became stronger and stronger. At the same time, I saw no way in which this could ever happen. I was married and my husband had no intention whatsoever to go to India. He even disliked anything that had something to do with it, like meditation. Once he asked me to choose between my marriage and meditation. I choose meditation and he didn’t leave me.

But more and more I was living in my world and he in his own. Our view on life had become so different that it led to a divorce. I left him. He emigrated out of Europe, which gave me the change to do the same and finally live in the country that was calling me so loudly – India.
(Next upcomming article is about India)

Elisa ( Twitter-alias: Elisa_507 )

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