The meatball theory.
You can change how you feel about a situation by changing your point of view.

I became a vegetarian in the beginning of the year 2001. It was not that I didn't like the taste of meat. No, the contrary, taste-wise it used to be a valuable part of my meal.

My husband and daughter continued eating meat and I would be cooking for them. Often I enjoyed the smell of the meat while frying it. I could remember the taste and often, just the smell, would be mouth watering to me.

This is what also happened on “that day”. I had fried some meatballs to go with the meal and could hardly resist the smell of it. It really took all my willpower to not give in and have a little bite.

As I served the meatball, my husband poked in it with his fork, took a little bite and decided that the meat was not nice today. The balls were to firm, he didn't want to eat this.

I was amazed by the whole scene. It became a major eye-opener to me. Without tasting the meatball I was sure that if I took a bite right now and enjoy that taste that I missed for so long now, I would be in 7^th heaven. At the same time, my husband was experiencing discomfort because of the exact same meatball.

What was it that made my experience towards this meatball so different from his experience? How could I find delight in the exact same object that was giving him discomfort?

It was our difference in perspective. We had a different “point of view”.

My “point of view” provided me with a mouthwatering experience (without even eating the meatball).

My husband's “point of view” provided him with disappointment and discomfort.

Same meatball, two very different emotions, two very different experiences.

What if we could choose our own “point of view” instead of being the play-ball of the point of view that happens to pop up in us?

My husband decided that the ball was to firm and therefore not tasty. What if he could choose to prefer a firm meatball today? From disappointment he would jump to enjoyment:”Wow, lucky day, firm meatballs today!”

I have been playing with this thought ever since and putting it into practice also. And I can assure you, it really works. But you have to want it, really want it.

The moment something “bad” happens (bad form your point of view, that is) there is a tendency to feel that an injustice has been done to you. You feel like this gives you all the right to feel bad and perhaps even show it towards the people around you. Specially if there is someone to blame within your “shooting area”.

In the middle of this whirlwind of self pity and anger, you have to realize that you do have the choice to feel good. Sometimes people simply do not want to feel good when a bad thing happened.

Why not? There seems to be some kind of “use” to anger. Perhaps by showing your anger, other people around you will change their behavior so that you can feel good again? Or maybe you feel that you just have to give them the punishment they deserve ( to restore the balance between how bad you feel, while they are feeling good). Or feeling bad is just the easiest emotion at the moment, you can just linger in it, feeling better would take an effort.

But when you take a good clear look at it you will realize that the angry or sad person is always the looser in the game. Rarely will you be able to make others feel worse than you do and when you do succeed, they loose a bit of their faith in you. You loose credibility. Also anger has a poisoning effect on your body. On the long term anger (and other negative emotions) have the ability to make you physically and mentally ill. And anyways, every minute spend in anger is a minute of not being happy, that's your loss!

So, back to the meatball-theory: You can change your feeling about a situation by changing your point of view.

Before doing that you have to deal with the situation. Keep this step as short and positive as possible. Do not go into detail about what is wrong, but look for the solution only. Be objective and don't let your emotion talk. For example: “Ok, the meatball is firm today. It never was before, so what was different today that created this effect... Hey darling, the meatball seems firmer today, is there anything that has gone different? So far I liked the soft meatballs that you made, any idea how we can keep it like that?”

Good enough, don't give it more than the minimum of attention.

Now start looking for whatever positive you can find in the current situation, while ignoring whatever it was that bothered you. Every situation has many aspects, pick out only the positive once and confirm them to yourself, focus on it.

Think for example:”Ahhh, I am so hungry, food always tastes better when I'm hungry. So nice we happen to be eating spinach, I like that. I am going to take some mayonnaise with my meatball today, so it will be nice and juicy. Oh, look at my daughter, she seems to be enjoying her meal so much. Life is so good, I got all that I need.”

Focus your attention to the positive aspects of the situation that caused your initial discomfort and sometimes broaden your view to other positive aspects around you. Don't forget to enjoy the little daily things. Just because they happen often doesn't mean that they cannot be enjoyed anymore (the weather is so nice, I love the view that I have from my window, my spouse is so sweet, etc.)

Regards,
Elisa

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